'hmm...guessed as much. you're happy with the way you're now, and you never needed me to be happy. i'm glad for you and happy for your transition. may you be happy always'

love, miss and hugs,
me...

noon rambling...

Dear Bloggie,

am really sorry, but the entry this time just for you to ponder on a thought i've been having for quite a while and i'm dedicating it to my ex..

"To you dear ex, it pains me to know you're enjoying your life as it is now, i'm not wishing you any ill intentions but just thinking that i no loner mattered pains me. nah, i dont think you would understand.

i don't really have much to say..just that, i'm still so much in love with you, and i'm really sorry i wasn't good enough for you...ciao"

that's all bloggie...

more confusion...

yo bloggie (i really gotta get you a name haha),

yeah, still deeply in love with the ex and cant get the ex outta my mind. yeah, i know it's not healthy..but there's nothing much i can do right? then again, i just want you to know that...at least am in control now and doing much better than before.

okay, honestly..i think i am doing fine..until the ex started participating in an activity i've already participated in and it worries me so much that we might bump into each other cos i really wouldn't know what to do. i've been fine all these while cos there wasn't any contact and we haven't met up for quite sometime now..but now, just thinking that we might be in the same activity together is making me restless...gosh, i really dont know what to do...

well...that's all for now, will try to update more often okay...

drowsy rambling hehe

Hey Bloggie,

Remember the sex buddy i mentioned in my previous entry. FYI, i've only done penetration with SB (Sex Buddy) twice and after the second time, i started having second thoughts..

yeps, second thoughts and ever since the last session..i have been celibate. you must be wondering why was i having second thoughts? you must be thinking what is wrong wit me since any other guys would definitely do sex at every given opportunities.

let's just say, after the second session..my head got a lot clearer. the only reason i did it in the first place was because.., i felt damn lonely and i needed someone to be there for me. but after giving it much thought, i realised that i am not a guy who would do sex with any random persons. but what's done is done, the best i can do now is to learn from mistakes, straighten things up and get back on track :). and you know something...i am pretty sure everything is falling into place right now, like they said..'ignorance is bliss', and in my case, it really is :).

gonna hit the sack now, so goodnite :)

ps: missess that person so damn much that i would do whatever it takes to be back together. but that wouldn't be right, no? hehehe. anyhow, hope that person is having fun with the trip now, and hopefully i am being thought of all the time...gosh, this sucks big time...

update...

hey there blog,

maybe i should give you a name, probably i will...once i've found something which suits you, so for now, you're stuck with 'blog' hehehe.

my apologies for haven't been writing any entries lately, i wanted to but i suddenly realised that whenever i do come up with something, the other person is always in mind and i am trying real hard to forget that person...

things has been going pretty well for me, nothing great but just okay. guess what, i've made new friends as well, cool eh. but even with these new friends, even when i do parade a smile like nothing really bothers me..the fact is, i'm still kinda hurt inside and honestly speaking...i miss that person a whole damn much. yeah, i know..with all the silence and no contacts for about nearly a month, i should've gotten over the fact tha the person and i are no longer together. but that's not the case here..i still think about that person 24-7 (more like every minute hehehe), and i can't stop wondering if the person is as well. but who am i kidding hahaha, that person must be having a blast without me an as excess baggage and i should be happy for that...gosh, this still sucks..big time.

i've been thinking of being in a new relationship...but unless i get over my past relationship, i can't imagine myself being in a new one hehe. talk about self bashing haha..

anyways, it's quite late now and i should be geting my sleep. to that person, i just wanna say...goodnite and miss you whole damn much...

ps: yeah blog, i miss you too..goodnite (talk about being pathetic hahaha)

miss na miss kita...

Dear blog,

i've been reading the person's blog entries. sometimes i do feel like that person was writing to me, sharing with me the stuff that needs to be shared. but then again, maybe i'm just so full of air. for all i know that person might probably have someone else in mind.

the same goes for the person's Yahoo Messenger status message, like today..the person wrote 'miss na miss kita', i dunno if it was meant for me to read or for someone else..so i decided to ignore it although deep down i was fighting not to reply..

i just dont wan't to make the same mistake again, i don't want to hurt either one of us...cos i know not everything is about me. i've learned my lesson from experience, this time...i'm not reading between the lines, i will only take note on what is directed to me. fair enough right?

i cried last night, yeah..dont laugh. was watching a Japanese movie ('Koizora' i think) and it got me thinking alot about love. yeah, guess what..i'm a sucker for romantic movies hehehe.

i still think that i should at least be friends with that person, but not now..or until i have gotten over this thing called love (which will take a very long time...cos my feelings hasn't changed one bit...). if i were to sacrifice my own happiness for the person's sake, than this is the least i can do...to be out from the picture.

ps: man, it feels like i just got a knife stabbed through my heart...

adios...

the reply...

Dear blog,

read this:
"guardamos silenciosamente cuando no hay nada dejado parea hablar"

hmm...pretty sure the grammar was off, but from what i can gather, this was what the person wanted to say:

"let's keep quiet if there is nothing left to talk/say".

that person has a point...and i will honor that person's request. this still sucks cos i'm still so much in love...