the chat...

Hey there,

Kinda early with my posting today aren't i? :). well, just so you know, i had a chat with that person. here are what was talked about...

the One: ko ok ka?
basket case: buli laa..
basket case: ko?
the One: mcm buli la
basket case: emm...ok tu..
the One: ok juga la sa rasa
basket case: cool...
the One: I want you to be happy dude
the One: I don't want you to punish yourself
the One: you're not doing it right
the One: you clever and intelligent
the One: you know what you;re doing is not good for you
basket case: i want to be happy...
the One: for once, get yourself out of all this thing yg buat ko nda keruan...
the One: ko buli baitu
basket case: and i am trying to be
the One: i hope and really pray hard that you would be
basket case: then again...being smart and intelligent has nothing to do when it comes to matters like this...
basket case: honestly, i dont even know what i should do...
basket case: i'm just doing what i can...
the One: just dont dwell in self pity or sorrow la..
the One: sa rasa ko telampau fikir baitu
the One: cuba ko jan telampau fikir
basket case: it's easy for you to say lah...i'm stil coping. i've never been in this situation before...
the One: you focus on something else
the One: coz the more you think of it kan
the One: the more you';re gonna regret it and you hate it
the One: bah sa nda tau ko la
the One: I'm not that selfish as u think I am..
the One: I care..
the One: too much..
the One: about others than my own self
basket case: i was just saying that to irritate you...
the One: i don't get irritated easily
the One: seriously
basket case: i just can't stop thinking about you...and thats what troubling me...
the One: if you u do something or anyone else do something to make me feel bad...and I don't seem like I care, because thats how I am...
the One: I'm hurting too
the One: but,, sa nda la smpi mcm tu skali
basket case: cos you've been in this situation before...and i've never
the One: ya, dulu sa nda juga sampai mcm tu skali
the One: paling lama 1 week
the One: after that, sa lupa sudah...yg sa sakit hati
the One: or sa sedih
basket case: well...thats why lah sa bilang sa bukan mcm ko..
basket case: i'm not tough like you..
the One: emm
the One: bah...
the One: sa pi kelas dulu la
basket case: ok...
the One: nda bah actually sa mau tidur
basket case: orait, pi lah
the One: tq
basket case: welcome

now tell me, would you be hurt reading something like this? the only person you've ever cared about is asking you to forget about them and get on with your life...and that doesn't hurt?! hmm...but that person has a point. i should move on..and i will, soon as i now how to... sucks isnt't it..

i'm still deeply in love with that person...and getting over it wouldn't be quick and easy like a walk in a park. darn pathetic..

my own prison...

heya blog,

do you have any idea what i'm going through now? what i'm feeling? i'm not really sure how to put it in a coherent sentence, but what i feel now is like..i'm out there but at the same time, feel somewhat imprisoned. get what i mean? :). dont think so...anyway, i'll try to elaborate further as i can okay :).

what i meant by 'i'm out there' is..i'm back to socializing around without having to think much about what the other person is doing, i'm back to pretending the person what everyone wants to see. i know it's not right, i am aware that if i were to live a happy life..i need to acknowledge myself to the world for who i really am..and that's exactly something i can't afford to do...and that's where i feel like being imprisoned..imprisoned by society's religious and morale view of how a person should live their life. sad isn't it...

anyhow...i'm still coping with the 'for good break up'. it's like all the memories of the times spent with that person is no longer in my head..but instead, in my heart. yeah..sounds kinda corny isn't it :). the memories are a bit vague, but the impression has been imprinted in the emotional sense. i still know how happy i was when we were together, the butterflies, the tears, the pain and most of all..the love. strange eh..:).

honestly, i'm beginning to doubt if love even exist. i'm convincing myself that love is just a notion cooked up by selfish people to keep the person they desire close to them. probably love isn't what we feel in our hearts but something we come up with in our head :).

anyhow..it is great having you back as my confidante. had several other blogs which i thought could replace you...but there's something about you which gives me that certain degree of trust and proximity hehe. it's probably because you are my first blog...and that makes you special :).

hey...a bit tired. will update you when i feel like having to pour my hearts out okay. ciao...

the 2nd beginning...

hey there blog,

first of all, i'd like to apologize for ignoring you this long, and i'm really sorry to have deleted all the entries. i didn't mean to, just that i was too confused with what had happened and i didn't know what to do. but i do now, i've learned my lesson and i will never again ignore you...

things has been rough for me for the past 7 months, but guess what...remember the person i once linked the blog to you? the one person i've ever really loved (until now)...well, we broke up for good this time. it's a good thing i deleted all your entries, cos all those emotions were brought by beautiful lies. those empty promises..those words of love..none of it was real or i won't be in this situation :).

anyhow, i think i'm back to being who i was before...but i just can't bring myself to forget that person cos one thing for sure is what i felt and everything i said to that person are real..i still remember the promises made and i intend on keeping it even if it means doing it alone...shouldn't be a big problem though, there're always sacrifices to be made when love is involved...

we'll talk more about this...soon ok :)

goodnite...and do enjoy the video i found on the net. quite controversial isn't it, i know how much you like controversial stuff...so here goes :)



and here's the lyric. no worries, will translate it when i have the time okay :)

Daniel Zueras - No quiero enamorarme

yo no quiero enamorarme yeah!
vamonos!!!!
yo no quiero enamorarme auuhh!!!

se muy bien que aposte el corazon
fue el precio que pague
ya ves
por embelesarme con los duendes de tu piel
de seda
mientras bailas con la luna llena
y juegas
dame a ver tu locura
antes de decirme adios

yo no quiero enamorarme
solo estar dentro de ti
sentir el vertigo que un angel
siente con el corazon en mi
hoy no quiero enamorarme
solo estar pegado a ti
como el viento con el aire
dando lo mejor de ti,de mi

ueiyeye!!!!!

tal vez,soñe
que eramos dos almas perdidas sin eden
mi fe
ya se nos perdio el destino aquel amanecer
sin tregua
deteniendo el ritmo en tus caderas
y ahora sigo aqui
en vela
colgado de tu seduccion

yo no quiero enamorarme
solo estar dentro de ti
sentir el vertigo que un angel
siente con el corazon en mi
hoy no quiero enamorarme
solo estar pegado a ti
como el viento con el aire
dando lo mejor de ti,de mi

seras la luz que me deslumbra y luego se va
seras la huella
que se queda en el alma
sera el recuerdo de la mas dulce pasion
solo el recuerdo de un te quiero a media voz

solo quiero desnudarte
bajo esta luna de abril
el deseo mas salvaje
se desata de principio a fin

yo no...
yo no quiero enamorarme
solo estar dentro de ti
sentir el vertigo que un angel
siente con el corazon en mi
hoy no quiero enamorarme
solo estar pegado a ti
como el viento con el aire
dando lo mejor de ti, de mi

ciao...